Nowadays, social media plays a huge role in helping society stay connected. However, having so many different mediums makes dating that much harder! He liked your pictures on Instagram, he friended you on Facebook, but he didn’t text you back…what does this mean? Does it mean anything at all? I’ve taken class after class in college, but I have yet to learn how to tell if “a guy is really into you.”
Whoever said, “ignorance is bliss” has never had such a predicament. I decided to take matters into my own hands and surveyed college students to find out what they thought. I utilized methods of network sampling (asking people to ask their friends to take the survey) as well as convenience sampling (asking people in my classes to take the survey). The 50 respondents were students ranging from ages 18-25 who currently attend private and public universities.
The respondents answered two short questions about a given scenario, Jane and John’s texting exchange, in order to provide insight about why they thought guys REALLY don’t text back. For each question, I sorted their responses into four categories based on key words and commonalities.
(The bold text represents an actual respondent’s answer and the unbolded text is my analysis.)
Question One: You are sitting in class next to your friend, Jane. She is telling you about a guy who she has been talking to a lot recently, John. Jane texted John but got no response back. How would you interpret his lack of response?
1. Busy: “Dude was probably busy.” Respondents overwhelmingly concluded that John is a really, really busy guy and Jane should not worry! He will eventually text her back.
(50% of respondents chose the “busy” category; 50% were male and 50% were female)
2. Playing Games: “He has mad game.” Respondents concluded that John is merely playing hard to get, pretending to be uninterested, or being coy. John’s lack of response was a power move.
(7.5% of the sample chose the “playing games” category; 100% were male)
3. Bad Communicator: “John doesn’t know how to communicate.” John is overall a horrible communicator. He may have read her text or saw she texted him but didn’t respond for whatever reason. His lack of response wasn’t a reflection upon his feelings towards Jane.
(17.5% of respondents chose the “bad communicator” category; 57% were female and 43% were male)
4. Not interested: “John isn’t into Jane.” John was just being a nice guy and Jane read too much into their relationship. Put away your Cosmo Magazines, Jane! John avoiding you isn’t one of the “Five Ways to Know if He Likes You.” He actually just isn’t into you.
( 22.5% of respondents chose the “not interested” category; 66.7% were male and 33.3% were female)
Question 2: What would you tell Jane about John not responding?
1. It’s not you, it’s him: “He’s just a stupid boy who’s bad at texting.” Jane shouldn’t worry about her actions in this situation. John is immature and might not know how to handle Jane’s interest. This is college, not elementary school. C’mon John!
(25% percent of respondents chose the “it’s him” category; 20% were female and 80% were male)
2. Busy : “Chill Jane, damn, he probably out with his boys.” This response honestly was one of my favorites. Majority of respondents concluded that they would tell Jane not to worry because John would respond if/when he wasn’t busy.
(45% of respondents chose the “busy” category; 38.9% were female and 61.1% were male)
3. Let John take the lead: “Wait for John to respond and if he doesn’t respond, drop him like a hot potato.” Put the ball in John’s court! He should be worried, not Jane.
(10 % of respondents chose the “let John lead” category; 100% were female)
4. He’s a Player : “He’s playing you, also known as fuckboy syndrome (such a tragedy).” John knows he is attractive and he let it get to his head. According to respondents, John is the type of guy that will lead girls on, merely to hookup with them, but shortly after will say that he’s not looking for a relationship.
(10% of respondents chose the “player” category; 100% were male)
Taylor Swift said it best when she concluded “boys want love if it’s torture, but real men want you to text them back…” All in all, he’s just another brick in the wall. Taylor knows best.
We may never know the reason why guys don’t text back because there may not be one answer. Relationships, on any level, are subjective. However, the insight from this survey is priceless.
Check back next week for another Secret of SoCal.
And Remember- Take Care of This Moment.